“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7
While ministering in NC, I was out walking, viewing the varying plant life, in their dormant state of being; trees with no leaves, bushes bearing no flowers, grasses dulled.
It was many years ago, during this same pre-winter season, the unimaginable and most feared thing a mother could ever experience happened, the death of my son.
My grief journey was the most anguished challenge I have ever known as a woman and as a mother.
My thoughts and heart immediately reflected back to the many days, hours and months living in the aftermath of my son Lucas’ death.
It all seemed surreal and in my dazed state of being, I felt dulled, barren, and dormant, very much like these plants.
Stepping one foot in front of the other took mustering energies to just maintain daily routines that had become suspended and disrupted in a heavily weighted oppressive grief.
My life had suddenly come to a screeching halt. I was stuck in this period of ‘waiting’.
I recalled waiting for my ‘new normal’ where I intimately craved the living waters of God’s Spirit to wash my stagnated heart, reviving my body, soul and spirit.
Just as these plants were being nourished by an unseen source of life, so was I being nourished by the hidden source of the Spirit’s power.
It was in this sphere of a dark cold hibernating state of being, I encountered an experiential reality of what it meant to walk by faith.
In culminating my walk this day and considering this verse, I was reminded not to rely on what I can see, feel, taste, or touch with my human limited understanding.
My belief and trust in God as my source for all my needs, became the raw material aiding me to walk in the valley of the shadow of death.
Perhaps you are going through a season of feeling the pangs of grief in having lost a son or daughter.
Maybe you, too, are finding yourself in this time of ‘waiting’ for life to return to some sort of normality.
I can tell you, it will. It will happen one day, unexpected and unplanned. One day you will wake up and have a little more lift in your step, a lilt in your voice and a radiant peace soothing your spirit. You may feel as if you are awakening from a long slumber.
My faith is not determined by any sensation of God’s presence. In adversity my faith became nurtured in the space of that waiting, learning to depend on the truth in scriptures.
Eventually, I was able to continue my spiritual journey in having been Lucas’ mom in this world, without him in it. You too will find a way to continue in your own life, without your child in it.
You will find purpose in this ‘new normal’, living an intentional faith known in trusting and believing in the power of God as your source to help in any suffering.