Grief, a tearing phenomenon
tugs at my heart when
I am not thinking
of the deceased.
Even to say that word – deceased – conjures
up all kinds of images.
The remembering of the person brings
about different perceptions,
ones savored in a reserved
space within the brain.
Ones I laugh with gladness,
others I cry with sorrow.
Finding death has mixed feelings.
All cannot be explained,
or sorted out.
Yet these feelings can be explored,
and in the exploring;
Life is found,
Life is lived,
Life is breathed,
Life is in the moment.
I wrote this some years after the sudden and unexpected loss of my son. The unimaginable had entered our home and we all had to deal with varying degrees of loss. Our children with the loss and missing of their brother.
With myself and my husband it was the horror and terror of the death of our dear son, still in his youth, yet his life was tragically stolen from him in an instant.
The driver admitted to have been drinking and the fact his truck was having issues, yet the police never conducted an alcohol test to determine if he was over the limit in regards to consuming alcohol. They failed to do due diligence on behalf of our son and on behalf of us, his grief stricken parents. They failed to do what was required of them in the heat of the moment.
Our son’s death could have been prevented if this man had taken thoughtful consideration before getting behind the wheel and driving that fatal day. If this man had thought of others, if he had reflected on his instability and the fact of having consumed alcohol, perhaps our son would be with us today.
Perhaps this one fatality on the road could have been stopped. If only this man thought of how his poor reactions due to drinking alcohol could affect those innocently riding bikes.
If only this man had considered the factors of how drinking affected his judgement and caused poor reactions as he drove right through our son, blindly failing to see him, deceptively believing he was capable of competently driving that day.
Take this as a lesson from one family, from one heartbroken mother, whose son will never walk through her doors again. Take this story from one mother, who carries within her that place of lost hope in holding the grandchildren of her son.
Take this story of one young boy’s death, seriously if you drink, to never think you are OK to get behind the wheel.
Protect others from those who are haphazardly drinking and driving, by not allowing them to get into a vehicle as they become potential murderers. Choose wisely your friends, but choose wiser how you live and the fact we are all interconnected as humans on this earth.
What someone chooses to do at the expense of another can turn out to become a fatal wrong choice when their freedom to engage in actions that kill another person.
Our son was the innocent one. He was out riding his bike in the fall of the season, simply enjoying his freedom to be the youth he was, thinking he would go for a brief ride, returning home to his family.
The ache in my chest, the constriction in my breath and being thrown into an unknown world of grief, that was unexpected, is not what I would wish on any parent.
That tragic day in November was the worst and darkest day of my life. The hours and days that followed were equally horrific and experienced as the most extreme sorrow filled pain I have ever had to know.
So, next time you are drinking, or with those who are drinking, be considerate and thoughtful in order to prevent another person’s death before their time. Do not allow yourself or others to drive, even if you or they feel and appear OK, as alcohol’s affect can have uncertain reactions in people, and you never know when someone is not OK.
Save a life by choosing wisely to not drink and drive and to not allow others to either, as you never know who will be on the road and whose lives will be at risk of death.
You never will know unless you too have lost a loved one due to someone’s drinking and driving.