Journey in emotional suffering

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And so it seems….

            It is only in my mind

            I can feel the wind

            caressingly message

            desires that seek only

            to be held

            in strong firm arms

            that carry lonely tears

            over Winter clouds, where love’s reach

            returns intimately yielding,

            in the warmth known of a

            shared longing that only two can find.

 

And so it seems….

            Somewhere deep in my heart

            beats unrelenting wails of

            a pining sorrow slowly drifting,

            thinning to liquid pools of red lakes,

            to be joined to rivers of forsaken

            sleep in the land where touches cease

            to stir those thoughts – now distantly parted.

 

And so it seems….

            Deeper still in the core of myself

            lives a death violently scraping

            cut glass edges scarring

            a self that struggles to be freed,

            but only bleeds sharp mirrored corners,

            seeping streams of throbbing knowing felt pain.

 

And so it seems….

            Rage-battered-anger brews feelings

            penetrating jagged edges deeper still,

            sporadically spreading – steadily prodding

            my mind in disheartening bitter words, sorrowfully

            threatening demise to plunge daggers

            final thrust plummeting my mind reeling.

 

And so it seems…

            As Winters’ chill forbids warmth

            As Winters’ hour wiltingly diminishes

            As Winters’ end patiently wanes.

 

And so it seems….

 

 

This is another poem written in the midst of my despair in learning to leave my traumatic past behind and step into my identity in Christ.  There is despair in the anxst of the struggle, but when entering into this agonizing battle, we find our true self.

Emotions are real and it is when we enter into our suffering in them, learning to not run from them, but allowing them to be fully expressed and felt where we find the courage and strength to move forward in our journey as human beings.

It is when we learn to accept that suffering and pain are intimately part of our path and it is only when we can learn to face our internal emotional responses to life, becoming comfortable in the uncomfortable feelings with highly charged emotions, we learn a brave vulnerability in finding our true identities.

I discovered myself birthed into a newness, finding the source in God to become who He has created me to be in all my flaws and scars, wholly His beloved daughter.

It was in listening to the Holy Spirit who guided me in this process of entering into the depth of emotional suffering where I learned to sit with my emotions and discovered a truth that released me from fearing them and found the freedom inside myself that occurred when I undertook this journey.

This is where healing begins.  This is where the rubber meets the road in hardship, learning to be comfortable in whatever feeling states we experience and not allowing them to dictate to us, how we should be or who we are.  We are more than feelings.

We become the expression of God’s suffering in humanity, entering into our own pain and offering His compassion and grace as we enter into the suffering of others we encounter in this faith journey.

We understand the power of grace, in real life experiencing of God’s strength imparted in us by the Holy Spirit and we surrender deeper parts of self, exchanging our ways of being for the Spirit’s way of being.

 

 

Living Intentionally

Lorraine

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