adult alone black and white dark
Photo by Kat Jayne on

I feel it.

It starts small

gradually increasing.

My stomach churns

from its sour taste.

My chest caves in

from its pressure.

My mind plumments,

spiraling down, down, down.

Down into darkness

where the stench

smells strong.

Darkness envelopes me –

draining me of all energy –

suffocating me.

Then I come to the place

of lifelessness.

I sit.

My mind races to do something,

but there is nothing to do,

but to feel it,

feel its weight,

feel it stealing me.

It is called depression.



For those who have experienced this down word spiral into the pit of hell, there is no need for explanation.  In my darkest times in processing my journey from trauma towards wholeness, I often lived the suffocating and smothering effects of depression. 

Having suffered depression, I know the difference between feeling down and being depressed.  There is a major variance between these two states.  I could feel down, but my mood would eventually lift.  

When depressed, it did not matter how I tried to alleviate it, it literally felt like my entire life source was being sucked out of me.  I felt numbed emotionally, dulled to joy or being able to sense any steady happiness.

I don’t have to wonder what it is like when I hear someone say they suffer from depression.  I know what it feels like, because I lived it.  I am able to offer empathy and compassion instaed of quick fixes or answers.



Living Intentionally


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