Blooming from pained sorrow

What a perfect balmy sun shiny day! I was able to relax, take time off from writing, meditating and soaking in the warmth of the summer. Loving to view my scenic plant and flower gardens spaced around the different areas of our yard.

Viewing the variations in my plants during this season of blooming is majestic!

 

 

I snapped a few pictures to show you some of these beauties!  The third one over is in the corner of our home in the back yard.  I love this section here.  It’s a breath of fresh air to enjoy the simple act of walking around our yard, taking in the joy of seeing these spectacular perennials springing forth each year as crisply painted displays of God’s creations.

 

 

Deep shaded reds, purples, yellows, pink and all the variations in those greens.

 

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The Lilies are bursting forth from their spring buds, flourishing and thriving in the richly nourished soil, drinking from the earth’s fluids.   Reminds me of the delicacy of all life and how sacred it is.  Life is a precious gift and what we do with our lives matter.

We each have purposes for why we were birthed into this world. Finding our way often takes time, patience, fortitude, and creativity.

Finding my own way in this life has come at a great price in the difficulties, in the sorrows, in the pained heartaches that resulted from those early years I lived through childhood abuse.

As a child I had no choice in what was done to me, in how I was violated in every level of who I was as a small girl by my father.

In all the sadness I have felt in my own journey, through all the roller-coaster of emotions I have traveled in my lifetime, I never thought I would ever be the woman I am now, whole, balanced, and thriving.

I have endured the darkest of days, spent many sleepless nights, suffered fears, anxiety and endless panic attacks.  All as a result from the trauma lived as a child.

When God became the most important person in my life, was when things began to change inside me.  It was not instant, or quick, or easy, but I could feel myself slowing awakening as the flowers do after their slumber from their dormancy in the Winter season.

I began to understood compassion more clearly.  I began to understood caring in a personal way. I began to taste of a love I had never known before.

Struggles have made me a healthier stronger person as in them, I learned, I learned to let go of what I was unable to control and focus on those things I was able to control.  I grew in my perspective, beliefs, and how I viewed the world.  I developed a wisdom in spiritual insights and maturity in my faith, I had not known prior.

I developed an ability to discern my way, attentive to the Spirit of God who resided in those spaces of hurt.  My soul is now as the colors in my garden, varied, delicate, precious, alive, and bursting forth with a renewed vibrancy.

I know without a doubt, that God is real and that He listens and that He cared passionately for me all those years in my struggles, in my alone times, in my dark times, and in all those times I thought I could not go on anymore, He was near.

In the midst of the many challenges that crossed my path, I blossomed in my faith and learned to not run away from my feelings or pain.

I learned that it was when I entered into my pain, sat with it, felt it, expressed it, wrote about it, mediated on as it was the only way in and through it, to be present with whatever I was feeling, in the allowing.

My ability to name what I was feeling also became important in order to process it and discover the depth of it, so I could find the healing in it.

I learned that in whatever situation I found myself in, the only way to be present, was in the acknowledging of where I was, regardless of what my emotions were telling me.

Then I had to come to the place of accepting it.  After I was able to accept both my circumstances and my emotions that resulted from them, I had to let those feelings come, and to be with them, no matter how tough.

This became the process I would follow and teach others to follow in order to move forward in difficult times.

Well, I did not sit down to write such a heavy post, but I am also learning to listen to my own voice since I have gotten my voice back and taken back what was rightfully mine that was stolen from me as a young child.

I hope you too are able to use this process in sorting, sifting, organizing and forging your own way in this life. Life is a journey, not a destination in having to get somewhere, so take your time in this season of your life, stop and be present in the only now you have.

Smell the flowers, appreciate the beauty in God’s creation, and soak in all the lighter times along with integrating those darker times.  It is in accepting all of our humanity, we are able to balance our weaknesses and our strengths in the realization the only perfect One is God and we are His in whom He delights.

 

Intentionally Living
Lorraine

 

 

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